Why Do Martians Always Want Cows: A Martian Panic Review

By Al

Players: 1-4
Platform: Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PC (via Steam)

Martian Panic is an on-rails, arcade-style shooter that originally released on the Nintendo Wii back in 2010. A new, updated release recently dropped on PC, PlayStation 4, and the Nintendo Switch by way of publisher Funbox Media. This updated port features improvements, online leaderboards, different control options, and more. It's also something of a love letter to 1950s sci-fi/alien movies, complete with a colorful comic book-inspired art style. Does this retro styled, and inspired, game have what it takes to get you and your friends blasting aliens all these years later? Read on and find out!

Martian Panic starts with aliens invading Earth, and immediately heading to the farms of America to grab some cows! I've always wondered why aliens always seems to be doing this, but that's not important right now I guess, what's important is stopping this invasion! The game is split into 8 levels, with six of them focusing on one of the six playable characters, with a setting related to who they are. Jeb The Farmer's level is on a farm, Chuck The Jazz Player's is in the city, Judy The Housewife's is in the suburbs, and so on. This might sound like you take on the role of each character within their levels one after another, but you can actually take them on with any character chosen from the start. Each level starts with some aspect of the invasion, the focus character swearing to stop them due to some affront, and then you taking out an army of Martians until you reach the end of the stage. Most of the stages end with a boss encounter of some sort, though most of them will become normal enemies in later levels. Throughout each stage various story scenes play out where you learn more about the Martians intentions, get hints about how the government is trying to cover things up, and other general silliness like an otherworldly marital dispute. There's even lots of references to genre staples, classic movies, and both retro and modern pop culture throughout. The story is actually the best part of Martian Panic, and I wish that there was more to string the levels together. I mentioned it in passing earlier, but if each of the six character-focused stages had you play as the said character the first time through, then have them unite in the final levels, it probably would've created a better overall narrative.

The cast is actually surprisingly unique.

Marsha Ann The Cheerleader Is My Fav.

Martial Panic is an on-rails shooter so that means the action moves along at a steady pace, whether you're ready or not. You target aliens, shoot them until they're dead, and make sure that you reload your weapon whenever you can between each wave. Enemies come in several types, and some are better at dodging and/or tanking hits than others. You also have civilians and bystanders that you have to watch out for, though shooting them from time to time is often as entertaining as doing a perfect run. Each level has power-ups, additional weapons, and various destructible stage elements you can shoot to interact with. You have five hits before you die, and a set amount of continues per level determined by your chosen difficulty. Damage is taken if you let an enemy get to close, let an enemy get off an attack before you take them out, or if you shoot a bystander. You can heal yourself with various items like hamburgers and soda. There are six weapons you can pick up, with all but your basic gun having limited ammo that I'm not sure you can ever actually recover. These offer various attack upgrades like a grenade launcher that takes out enemies in a large area, a blaster that shoots faster and does more damage, a shotgun that is just badass, and so on. You can carry up to two weapons at any time and switch between them with a button press. Since each have limited uses it's best to save at least one strong weapon for tough sections, or a boss, but seeing as how things get out of hand quickly, and weapons are plentiful if you know where to look, you're probably fine just using them up as soon as you get them.

Shoot the soldier too!

These are the Martian "Can I get a hug" guys.

Gameplay might sound rather basic, and honestly it is, but there's a bit more too it; most of isn't not good. Simplicity is the name of the game here, and while you definitely jump in and play without much of a tutorial, there isn't really anything that sets this game apart from other rail shooters beyond its story and characters. There are several difficulty settings in Martian Panic, but most players will probably find even the normal (named "Ranger" in-game) difficulty a bit more to stomach. I'm not afraid to admit that there were several parts of the game that I found near impossible to clear solo. Thankfully I played Martian Panic on the Switch and that version of the game has 4 player simultaneous gameplay. This can be a little chaotic at times, but is also very fun and all but required to beat the game. Difficulty aside I have to mention that this game is surprisingly broken for being a Wii port. In the first level I almost immediately found that I was stuck and the game would not progress at all no matter what I did. It turned out that I shot a tutorial item before I was "supposed to" and was forced to reset my game and start again. Later on in the Egyptian level (yeah, the game has one of those weirdly enough) I kept hitting a game-breaking area where I could shoot every single item on screen but could not advance the level no matter what I did. I actually only managed to beat that level once, and I'm still not sure what I did to pass that section. Going back to the multiplayer thing, I was often shocked by how I was expected to take out bosses whose weak points were rarely visible but came complete with wave after wave of regular enemies. I was unable to beat the last two bosses solo at all, and had to do them via multiplayer. In short, I couldn't help but feel that the game had a lot of potential, but feel short of fully realizing said potential in just about each and every aspect.

I would totally eat that burger.

They're just getting their tan on!

Visuals are one of my favorite parts of Martian Panic, but talking about them comes with a big caveat. Since this is a ported Wii game you can expect things to not be on par with modern AAA releases. This doesn't have to always be a bad thing, but I was surprised at how poorly the game ran at times. Low poly models, and the lack of a lot of action on-screen, made me think that this would run without a hitch on the Switch, but there were several moments where the framerate dropped by half, and a few where it went into the single digits. Performance aside, the game looks great if you temper your expectations accordingly. Everything has an old-school comic book feel (which is shown off more directly in some of the cutscenes) and the alien designs are pretty unique, even if most of them seem ripped from something I can't quite put my finger on. Boss enemies look cool most of the time, and the surprisingly large cast of characters are charming in their silliness. There were actually quite a few times when I found myself laughing at some of the visual gags, even if they were rendered in 2010-era graphics. While imperfect, the graphics are more than serviceable overall, and harken back to a different era in gaming in many way. All this didn't keep me from wishing that the game was optimized for the Switch though. Lastly, I'd be remiss to not remind everyone that this release is also available on the PS4 and PC. I can't really speak on those versions since I have not played them, but I must assume that the game has to run better there.

An earlier boss, now a normal enemy.

This boss battle was a chore to do solo.

I raved about the story earlier, but sound is also where Martian Panic shines. The music in-game sounds like it was ripped right from a sci-fi serial or movie and I couldn't help but be reminded of the music used in the movie Night of The Living Dead. Now that movie is of a totally different genre, but it has a soundtrack that uses older library music, and Martian Panic sounds like it grabbed its music from a similar source. Now I'm not saying that the music is standard library music, or generic in any way, but comparing it to something found in one of the best movies of all time is anything but a negative. If anything, I'm trying to say that there is an interesting weight and sense of urgency to the music at times that I didn't think an indie game like this would be able to capture. The game also features lots of voice acting, both from the character you pick and from various in-game cutscenes from allies and enemies alike. These are all well-done and come complete with a pleasant level of camp. My only two gripes when it comes to sound is the fact that Chuck The Jazz Player's comic book-style cutscene is weirdly devoid of voice acting, and there is a general lack of sound effects when landing hits on bosses. The last point actually is quite bothersome as many of the other sound effects are just as good as the music and voice acting. Like much of Martian Panic, the sound falls JUST short of something resembling perfect.

These Beholder-esque monsters flip your controls.

This level though...

Martian Panic handles controls in two ways: on TV with the joycons acting as stand-ins for a light gun, and in handheld where you move the target reticle around with the analog stick. While neither control option is truly perfect, the handheld mode is definitely the lesser version. Target speed can be adjusted in-game, and actually all handheld games open with you setting the speed, but I couldn't find a speed that I was 100% comfortable with. Also, the button controls for reload and changing weapons sometimes felt like they only worked when they wanted to. This can lead to frustrating moments, especially on higher difficulty settings. Motion controls on the other hand are far more accurate, but since the Switch can only read movement via its accelerometer it doesn't always feel as responsive as they could be. That said, motion controls while playing on a TV is definitely the route to go. There isn't much else to talk regarding controls, you reload with a button press, or by shooting off-screen, and can switch between two weapons if you have them. Rather simple really, but by no means perfect.

There's no hiding it, Martian Panic is a rather short game. Going through all eight levels will take you under an hour if you know what you're doing and are able to do a full run without running out of continues. That isn't to say that this is a one-and-done game though. Arcade-style shooters like this lend well to multiplayer and that's where the game really shines. Gathering a bunch of friends in front of a TV is how this game is best enjoyed, and it even helps rein in some of the more difficult sections. Besides this there are also online leaderboards, achievements, and more that some might want to collect. Me though, I'm good with just playing with friends as I have no desire to ever try the game on the highest difficulty setting, especially with that glitch in the Egyptian level.

Be sure to drink your cola!

Are heroes are all united!

Martian Panic is a hard game to recommend. It is a port of a game that was often lumped in with the load of shovelware that plagued the Wii, but it does have more charm and polish when compared to other games of its type. Game-ending bugs aside, I actually really enjoyed this game and was ready to recommend it until I saw its price. Its base MSRP of $29.99 make it a hard sale, unless you maybe pick up the physical version with the cool blaster peripheral. I've seen this game on sale a few places online since its release though, so my suggestion is to pick it up if/when it drops below retail. Perhaps my opinion on the game's value would change if an update is released that fixes the many bugs I encountered, but I'm not holding my breath on that one. With that said, I did enjoy this game, and if you're a fan of arcade shooters with a big of 50s nostalgia and wackiness thrown in, this one is for you!

For More Information on Martian Panic:
https://funboxmedia.co.uk/martian-panic-nsw/

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Story: A
Gameplay: C
Graphics: B-
Music/Sound: A-
Value: C

Overall: C

Pros:
+ Fun, quirky story and characters rub shoulders against some cool enemies and the occasional memorable boss.
+ Multiplayer options, leaderboards, and badges raise this game's replayability and value.
+ The music is spot on and gives off the feeling of a 50s sci-fi movie.
+ TV play with the joycons (on the Switch) recalls light gun games of the past.

+/- Retail copies of the Switch version have a really cool gun peripheral for joycons.

Cons:
- The amount of bugs and graphical glitches seem surprising seeing that this is a Wii port. Some bugs are even game-ending.
- Story could have been implemented a bit better as each character/level seem to exist independently of each other.
- Can be very difficult at times at even the base difficulty settings.
- Controls in general seem a bit off when playing in handheld mode on the Switch.

A copy of this game was provided to us free-of-charge by the publisher for the purpose of this review. This did not affect our review in any way.

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It's always the cows!

#MartianPanic