Game Review: Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band

By Al

Players: 1
Platforms: Nintendo Switch

Every so often a game comes along that makes me question my sanity, and we're going to be looking at one of those games today. Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band is a narrative-driven puzzle game that is set to release soon on the Nintendo Switch. It looked more than a little quirky, so I figured it would be worth checking out. Little did I know I'd find it to be such a strange game, that I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to write this review. It's a game that one really has to be seen in action firsthand to fully understand how crazy it actually is. Then again, is that something you're going to want to do? Let's dive in and find out!

Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band places you into the role of the titular Miss Rosen. She's a clockwork majorette that's escaped from her music box and launched her own children's TV show. Each episode of her show sees her travel to a new location and help out her guests. Her first encounter for this season sees her cross paths with a boy who can transform into a dinosaur. They quickly hit it off, and she ultimately names the boy "Dunno". (As in "I dunno".) Dunno joins Miss Rosen from that point on, and the show apparently has a new co-host. Our crazy duo continue their season-long journey that takes them to a lot of locations that are strangely populated by mice. She helps out all sorts of odd characters like a gaming mouse, an office worker, a baker, the statue of liberty, a literal car, and even the sun itself. Things only get stranger from there, though the plot never gets more complex than what I've already outlined.

While the story is clearly going for "wacky", part of me could never shake the feeling that the entire game might be created by AI. I know that's a big accusation to just throw around casually these days, but something about the game just rubs me the wrong way. The randomness of the plot honestly doesn't feel like it was written by an actual person, and there are other parts of the game where I'm almost positive that AI had to be used. If AI was used elsewhere, why not use it for the plot too? I know this is a bad start to this review, but it's my honest thoughts. To make matters worse, nothing in the game is actually funny. I didn't find any part of the game amusing, and towards the end I was skipping the dialogue as fast as I could just to get through the game. I'm not sure if a very small child would find any of this amusing, but I know didn't. Even though a part of me wants to cut the review short here and move on with my life, I think it's time that we moved on to discussing gameplay.

Each chapter/episode in Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band features 3-5 puzzles for you to complete. They're all simple, and don't take very much time at all. The majority of puzzles involve fitting objects into a confined area. The eShop describes it as packing several items into a suitcase, and I guess that description does hit the nail on the head. I will give the game a bit more credit though, as the fitting of items into a small space is usually changed up enough so that you might think it's actually unique. To that end, gameplay sort of works like a rectangular version of Tetris. You can rotate items, and place them in all sorts of configurations until you find the solution. You are timed during this process, and if you fail three times you're given the option of skipping the puzzle. Even though the "fit the item into the space provided" mechanic is the main one, it's not all you'll do in the game. There are other times where you'll have to create specific fight scenes that depict your side winning, match dice to a specific number, and even find specific items within a jumbled mess of junk. There are other mechanics used occasionally as well, but I think you get the idea.

You have over 60 puzzles to complete in this game, and I'd be lying if I said I completed them all myself. For reasons that only those who have played the game will understand, I great bored of Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band after the fourth chapter or so. The game overstayed its welcome, and there were about 5-6 puzzles that I just couldn't be bothered to figure out. I used that puzzle skip mechanic I mentioned earlier to get past them, and I don't regret it one bit. Actually, there were one or two puzzles where I honestly don't think a solution is even possible. It wouldn't shock me in the least to learn that this game wasn't fully tested, as the difficulty of the puzzles is all over the place too. Some you can complete accidentally in seconds, and others will have you almost running down the clock. It's all the furthest thing from fun, with most of the puzzles feeling like busywork.

If bad enough that the gameplay is crap, but why do the visuals have to be so bad too? Too be fair, it's not horrible, but I am convinced that every single character, item, or background used in the game either is some sort of asset flip, or was created using AI. There's just no other way to account for some of the strange images you'll see within the game, and they all have that uncanny valley feel that you get with AI art. The same can probably be said about the game's music, though I'm willing to bet the developers simply went the royalty free route as far as that's concerned. I could not get over how much of an assault on the senses the game was, and I just couldn't stand it for very long. Everything is flashy and over-the-top in the worst way possible, and the sound of kids cheering whenever a character says the word "fun" will haunt my nightmares for years to come. Once again, I'm not sure who this game was made for, but I think I've stumbled across something worse than Skibidi Toilet.

I ultimately beat Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band through sheer force of will, but if I had known it was going to take well over an hour I wouldn't have bothered. Why did I do it then? The game tricked me. At around the one-third mark, one of the characters says something to the effect of: "It's time to use everything you've learned in this next puzzle!" and that made me think that I was at the end of the game. Up to then I had already given up hope of actually beating it, but I was willing to try if I was already nearing its conclusion. I beat that puzzle... then the next... then moved on to the next chapter... and then the next... and so on. The game had bamboozled me, but I was already in its grip. I struggled from then on to keep going, but I beat it just so I could say that I was thorough in my dislike for it. I am here to tell you with 100% certainty that there is nothing worth seeing here, and you won't miss anything by skipping out on the experience. I wish could get back the time I spent playing it, and I hate the fact that I have to spend even more of my limited time on this planet writing about it.

I truly can't give Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band any sort of recommendation short of forgetting I ever mentioned it. It's a bad game in every sense of the word, and it's not even cheap enough to pick up if you're simply looking for some lols. Paying $11.99 for a game of this quality is just insane. This is a five dollar game at best, and I wouldn't even suggest throwing away that small amount of money on it. If Nintendo ever sets up a way to gift someone an eShop game, then maybe send this one to someone you really hate. That honestly is the only reason I can ever see anyone wanting to purchase it. I'm just glad I never have to think about it again. Do yourself a favor and play anything else but this. You can thank me later. See you in the next one.

Check Out Miss Rosen's Wowtastic! Marching Band on Nintendo Switch:
https://www.nintendo.com/us/store/products/miss-rosens-wowtastic-marching-band-switch/

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​Story: C (I'd give it a "D" if I knew for certain it used AI or not.)
Gameplay: C-
Graphics: C (Same as the story...)
Music/Sound: D
Value: D

Overall: D

Pros:
+ I guess small children might find this mildly entertaining?
+ For once I can't think of a con beyond somehow buying this as a gag gift for someone you really hate.
+ This game finally proved to me that brainrot content is real.
+ With this review done, I never have to touch the game again.

Cons:
- Everything about the game feels cheap, and it wears out its welcome fast.
- I can't say with certainty, but it feels like this game was created with AI. It definitely is an asset flip situation at the very least.
- All parts of the sound design are mediocre at best, and the random children cheering whenever someone says "fun" is anything but.
- I'm convinced that some puzzles can't be beaten as they currently stand.

A copy of this game was provided to us free-of-charge by the publisher for the purpose of this review. This did not affect our review in any way.

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At least I'm done...

#MissRosensWowtasticMarchingBand