Emi Arisaka Memorializes Fan Who Passed Away

As a long-time idol fan, I’ve always been very outspoken about how idols and their fans have a very special two-way connection. Emi Arisaka helps show us the best values of our beloved idols in honor of a fan who has passed away.

55-year old fan Okkyan, who had followed Emi for a decade, stopped showing up to her concerts sometime last year (from SoraNews24). Emi, being concerned that one of her most beloved fans had suddenly stopped showing up, decided to do some private investigation to try and see if he was doing alright. She hunted through his social media and other means, eventually managing to discover his residence. Upon trying to visit him she learned that after some health complications, Okkyan recently passed away. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any close friends or family so there was no proper funeral service for him.

Moved by the lonely nature of his departure, Emi decided to hold a memorial concert in honor of him, that way he wouldn’t have left unappreciated and unloved. She is partnering with Flowered Gem, another idol he loved, and the concert will be taking place April 11th at the Hatsudai Doors music club in Shibuya.

Below, we have fully translated her very moving blog post depicting her thoughts and love that she had for Okkyan, and in turn her fans as a whole. It’s moments like these that make me truly appreciate how important these idols are to us, and it always warms my heart to know that the feeling is mutual. It’s a long post but is heartfelt and worth the read.

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Arisaka Emi Official Blog (2018.03.20 Tues)

Loss of a Fan

I wonder what the relationship of an artist and a fan is.
Even if you see them almost every day for ten years,
you see their face more often than your family,
and looking back, you don't even know their phone number.

Thinking about it, you always came to see me.
The first time was ten years ago at my event in Shibuya called "UtahimeRanbu" you were able to make a reservation.
I thought you were a fan of another girl in the same agency, but you playfully said
"I rotate between two weeks" and laughed.
So I replied that right now it’s only my turn,
from there on you came to most of my live concerts. For ten years.

We went to Aomori together, even shitty stages and big venues,
Ohanami, street performances, one-man shows,
and you mostly came to all of them unless you weren't feeling well.

It was so normal to see each other’s faces, so normal to always be there.
So, when you stopped coming after your surgery and you stopped updating your SNS,
we were all worried, imagined the worst, and then erased that thought.
I waited for you to just pop your face back here.

What even is the relationship of an artist and a fan?
I don't get to know your departure,
because of that I, from this side, can't go see you.
Only if you come see me.

The light joke, 'Did he "他界" -pass away-?' [This term is used when wotakus change their fandom or move away from their idol world.]
can't even be a light joke.

Because, there's no way Okkyan stopped coming from disliking me.

"Next is the one-man show. See you," you said.

I'm not part of an agency, and I don't have any other members that I might give trouble to,
so, with my own will I searched out his house to go see him.
It took time.
In reality, in this society when you try to research something, you can,
and I have confidence that Okkyan loves me, so I thought he won't dislike me,
and because of this circumstance I did this,
but searching homes and going over with no appointment is not okay by common sense lol.
Don't copy me.

I could've known personal information from online orders or New Year cards,
but as for Okkyan, I didn't know.
He had mentioned that one station was his closest, or his real name that he said a long time ago.
I collected those small pieces of information.

In the pile of 10 years’ worth of reservation emails, maybe there was a phone number.
Ridiculously rereading through 10 years' worth of his old SNS Mixi account and old email accounts,
I reflected that he was always supporting me and really came to see me countless times.

Yes, but still, even if I know his SNS I don't know his LINE or his phone number.
I can't even call him to ask, "how are you?"
An artist and a fan, or really,
what even is a human relationship?

A family member coming out, letting me in the house, and telling me which hospital he's staying at.
Go see him, bring him an anmitsu (red bean and fruits) and eat it together.
Tell him, "Get well soon, I'll be waiting for you."
Just imagine.

This might be against the rules, but who even made the rules. I don't know.
I'm not giving anyone trouble.

One snowy morning, I couldn't sleep because of a bad intuition.
I felt that I needed to go today.
Though I had postponed it for a while because I was scared.

In a city that I don't know and getting lost,
I might be going to discover the worst truth by myself,
and I was making myself sick.

When I finally found his house,
at that moment I felt that 'no one lives here.'
I was having to be told that truth there.

Between the fan friends we'll say and think "I'm glad to know."
Though we're going to say, "I haven't seen that guy I wonder how he is" and
to forget eventually.

But I still also think 'I didn't want to know.'

After hearing from his neighbor that "he passed away", at that point my feelings
were the hardest to ever bear over my entire career till now.
Thinking how I didn't want to believe it, but knowing it all along.

His neighbor told me details.

First I reported to Orangeman, my fan, but
even that time was just so hard and
it's so hard to write this blog now.

Passing away by yourself at home,
your work will be noticed but
your friends won't even know, with no funeral...that's too sad.
So I decided to write this announcement.

If it’s a funeral, am I the chief mourner? lol (The representative usually done by the spouse or son/daughter.)

I never want to do such a thing again,
so, everyone please be healthy.

You don't have to come to concerts.
You can stop seeing me if you like another girl.

Everyone, please be healthy and live long.

I can't say this well but
maybe funerals and farewell parties are, for those that are left behind.

I don't have a preferred religion but
having monks read the sutra, and give incenses along with flowers,
say our goodbyes.
If you're close, watch them become smoke in the air.
Eat together while chatting and remembering that, "they were this kind of person."
Sometimes go to their graves.

These are things needed for letting it process your feelings.

You just don't have the realization yet.

You feel like you can see them again.

Even while making videos of everyone, my one-man show,
ordering an illustration commission from 326-san,
and getting ready for the memorial concert like this,
I still can't believe it.

I just feel like I can see him again.

"I'm going to all of them so put me in all the reservations."
He said that to me, so even without his reservation messages I kept writing his name in every time.

In the Osaka trip, and the Nagoya Trip after that.

When his SNS updates stopped on August 29th.

There's no way we won't come to the Osaka one-man, or the event live.

Since when did he stop writing.

"Losing just one audience" is not even the point of this feeling of loss.
He's not there in the crowd where he always is.
I'm still feeling like there's a hole in my heart.

Losing a fan is tough.
It's like losing a friend.

I don't know because I've never lost a friend before but…

Every single week, at high times every day for 10 years, we saw each other,

but more than years and frequency,

it feels like I've lost a pillar.

I think I love each and every one of my fans too much.

I actually went to see him. What a stalker. How active am I?

Hey,

I made 2 CDs. 2 more, CDs are out.
You would have probably said, "it's great!" and passed a bunch of them out.

So, I could take it to your grave, but I don't know where it is.
How am I supposed to send it to you?
If I sing to the sky it will get to you,
or make it to heaven,
or you're always watching over me trying hard.
Not one of these speaks to me.

Well, "to die" is such thing.
Rather because you "can't see" them.

I wanted to see better views with you and
you said I'll see and sing in
bigger better venues.
Do in-store events in larger places,
go on tv,
instead of this 100-person level one-man venue.

This whole ten years it was a parallel world.
I'm sorry.

It's just too soon.
I told you not to drink too much.
You're only like 55.

I felt kinda down and
at the one-man show the other day I kinda pondered if you were there.
Who knows? Anyone with a sixth sense, did you feel anything?
Since you were almost obligatorily always there,
you were probably, there to see me.
I'd like to believe that.

So, for myself,
I think I am going to have this memorial concert.
It's not even Obon or Ohigan, but please come by.

He was a pretty social person so
in this ディアステ、girls band, and idol world too,
I made this announcement like this, so you won't forget about him and
remember him sometimes as 'that person.'

"I'll forever support you."

Literally since from debut, 10, 11 years ago?

You always supported me.
Okkyan's presence is now eternal, so
'forever' is actually 'forever' now.

"生涯有坂" (Arisaka for life) right? The guy who actually supported Arisaka till death.
What a legend.
It's pretty funny, and cool.

Ringing the bell to a home no one lives in.
Imagining the inside of that house.
All the chekis, CDs and the T-shirts, 10 years’ worth.
There was probably a pool of my goods enough to be buried in,
but I have nothing that I can remember him by.
I don't have the right to have such a thing.
If there was a funeral I could've told his family,
but there was none.
The keychain he had that said 'Emichan.'
I wonder where it is.
Did it all burn?
"He took it to heaven," a fan told me.
Then in heaven please give a CD to my grandma.

A fan and artist's relationship is so one way; it saddened me.

Is it weird that I think that I wish that I was able to keep something, one thing?

He was the type to send presents, so I don't have anything from him.

At least I have this sign board.

A fan and artist are kind of hard but
I think to him, I was his world's most important girl,
and I love him too. Even now.

It did make me feel like in the end what even is a fan and an artist...
but, because of that and this relationship, there is something I can leave and do, and I want to.

Having no funeral might be mortifying, so then I'll do it!

Maybe it’s special treatment to an old fan.

I never want to do this again.

There will never be a second time, so
please be careful of solitary death, for real.

I've written for so long.
Thank you for reading.

I don't know the details of his sickness and his actual reason of death and they're second hand information,
but it’s aortic dissection of the heart's... just that much.

April 11th isn't a birthday of his last day but
it was the earliest DOORS (the venue) was open.

I think it's okay to have a day to get together to cry and talk.

Even though I actually kind of don't want April to come.

I want to collect messages and instead of incenses and money gifts [A customary gift to give at funerals], please reserve and come to this live with Okkyan's name.
I'm putting money into making illustrations and getting flowers and sign boards.
Since there's no grave, should we buy some land on the moon? lol
He is born on Tanabata anyways.

Doesn't it look like him? lol

326-kun drew this very cute illustration. Despite being horribly busy.

So that's how things are.

Is Arisaka okay? Some people ask.
In reality after learning the truth there were days I couldn't do anything, and I stopped my consecutive streams,
but recently I've calmed down.

I didn't know when to announce it, so I've pushed it back. I'm sorry.

Without much coherence but with length, this is pretty much how I feel.
Thank you for reading.

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You can find out more information about her on her official Twitter, Instagram or blog.

- Translation: Konomi K.
- Article: Teepu